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Friday, December 26, 2014

The nite B4 xmas (updated version)

i wrote and read this for my family's amusement this xmas:

It was the night before Christmas, and all thru the house,
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
the kids were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of sugary snacks danced in their heads.
my wife in her snuggie, and I in my cap
had just settled our brains for a short, but deserved nap.
We’d been up late, wrapping and arguing over the presents, I guess I was kind of a jerk,
but the bike and other toys I assembled really turned out to be a lot of work!
But we kissed and made up, and drifted off to sleep, thinking about how excited the kids would be,....
it was so...peaceful, ….so quiet,...
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what the hell was the matter!?
Away to the window, I flew, like Flash, threw up on the shutters, but had opened the sash.
I didn’t see anything at first, but the light from the moon,...on the the new-fallen snow,
gave a lustre of mid-day to the objects below. -It was really... quite pretty.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little ole’ driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be -St. Nick! You know...Santa!
Now, I don’t believe in the supernatural, like angels and demons, but I thought, know,-maybe, Santa!?
I figured I was dreaming, but I pinched myself and it hurt! And it all seemed so real,... I felt very alert!
So I was watching the guy, as they circled the yard,
...and I noticed he was kinda mean,... as he cracked his whip and yelled at his team,
“Now! Dasher!, Now Dancer!, Now Prancer! and Vixen!, ‘come on Comet!, n Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen!
We’ve got a lot more to do tonight!, so...let’s crush it!”
I suddenly realized I really had to pee, but thru the small bathroom window, I just couldn’t see,...  
I heard them land on the roof, yes, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof,
so I finished up quick, and turned with a jerk.
I headed downstairs but I stopped on the landing space, just in time to see Santa drop into the fireplace!
Fortunately the fire was out, but he tracked in a lot of ash, and soon the carpets were really quite trashed.
I instantly knew, you know, like the down of a thistle, that later I’d have to break out the Bissel.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack:
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
seemed kinda creepy, like something to dread.
But his droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, well, it stunk up the place, quite a reak.
He had a broad face, and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly:
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And with the way I’d been eating around the holidays, it reminded me of myself;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his tasks,
And filled all the stockings; then listened while I asked:,
Santa, if you’re really real, then why can’t you help bring world peace?
He said most people didn’t believe in him, or in even the possibility of world peace.
Then laying a finger aside of his nose, and giving a nod, up the chimney, he rose!
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight, “Keep working on it, all, and to all a good night!”