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Saturday, June 6, 2009

If you are 35 or older, I know you will relate:

Every generation of parents have told their kids how hard things were when they were growing up. From walking to school barefoot in the snow, uphill – both ways, to more realistic reminders of how technology has made life easier for their kids. I remember thinking when I was a kid hearing this, that I was never gonna lay this on my kids. But with the sudden advances in technology of late, I think this generation is more deserving of this tradition than any other. Really, compared to our childhood, today’s kids live a charmed life in Utopia! So, here it is. Dear kids:

When I was a kid, we didn't have computers. When we wrote something like a paper for school, we wrote it. With our hand. And a pen! Or a typewriter. We actually had to know how to spell! And when we wanted to move a sentence up or back in the paragraph, there was no cut and paste command, you re-did the whole damn page!

No Internet. If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the damn library and look it up in a book. (I’m sure you know what books were, having seen them in old movies). And there was no email!! (or I.M.) We had to actually write and snail-mail somebody a letter, with paper, pen, envelope, stamp, and time! You had to walk down the street, put it in the mailbox, wait days for it get there, days for someone to write back, and more days in the mail back to you!

Kids had to actually respect and listen to adults. Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all our friends also had permission to kick our ass! No where was safe!

There was no digital music. If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd would always talk over the beginning. And you were fine with it, cause it was the only way to get free music ever! No iPods either. When we walked down the street, we listened to the traffic! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our cars. We'd play our favorite tape a few times, and if didn’t get “eaten” and jammed up in the player, it would “wear out” and sound worse and worse the more you played it. So your favorite stuff sounded the worse! How would like them apples?

No cell phones! Pagers were expensive, only for doctors and drug dealers, and all they could display was a phone number. If you were gonna meet someone somewhere, you had to actually do it! There was no calling to arrange a new plan. Phones were at home, business, or sometimes they would have “public” ones on street corners that you put a quarter in for five minutes, and everyone around could listen in! We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting. If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And no Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy video games with high-resolution graphics, we had the Atari 2600! With our games your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination. And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting faster and faster and harder and harder until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was
on the few channels there were. You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! And if you tried to stay there to keep flipping, your Mom yelled “get back away from the radiation!” Oh, and no Cartoon Network either. You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. And no VCR’s! ‘You slept in Saturday, you missed them for another week. Do you hear what I'm saying!?!

Movies were something that you see in a movie theater. Period. If you didn’t see a particular movie before it stopped showing. That’s it! We thought we would never see it. Ever.

Digital cameras? No, …cameras used film. Film was something you had to buy, for five bucks, each time you wanted to take 20 more photos. Then,… when you took the picture, you couldn’t see it right after, to see if it was good!?! You had wait till all 20 picts are taken, take the roll in for developing (another five bucks), then you’d get back 20 little shiney prints that you couldn’t touch ‘cus they’d easily get finger prints, and to “share” a photo meant you’d giveaway yours, and plan to make another for yourself from the negative but you never did ‘cus it was too much of a pain in the ass!! ‘That was photo sharing.

Facebook? Nothing even similar. If you wanted friends, you had go out and work hard at making them ... Imagine that!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids have absolutely no idea how easy you have it. “Spoiled” is an extreme understatement. You guys wouldn't last five minutes, if you were back just a few decades! You’d better thank your lucky stars every day of your life that you didn’t grow up a few decades ago. And when you become parents, I don’t think there’s anything left for your kids to have easier than you’ve had, so don’t worry about that. Just be nicer and feel pity for your parents, and go get them a pillow or something.


  1. What a crazy world. I can't even imagine how everyone got by. It blows my mind... Did you really not even have remotes??

    The other day I sat down with a paper and pen and decided to actually WRITE something. I ended up writing about writing. Here's an excerpt from it:
    "...I must say, I'm doing fairly well for not having written anything other than my return address in about three years now.., but MAN is this whole pen dealio SLOW.
    At least I know how to spell though. Most people can't even do that. And my kids are going to be asking me, "wait, you mean you had all the right letter ordering memorized? ...Why didn't you just use spell check?"
    And I'll say, "When I was in school, we learned how to write with a pen."
    "Ohhh, you mean those plastic ink thingys they've got in museums? But what does "write" mean?"
    At which point I'll probably get bored with the conversation and reply, "It's the opposite of left. Now go chase hover-cars."

    I am so much your daughter, haha.

    No, seriously though, I DO NOT understand: How the hell did people ever live without Google? I know it's just funny and everyone says it, but....... How did you know what the weather was going to be for the week? How did you know where you were going and how to get there? If you wanted to buy something, how did you know what stores were in your town? How did you know what events were going on in your town? And most importantly, if you and your friend were arguing about whether or not Puerto Rico is owned by the United States or not, how in the hell did you settle the dispute and move on with the conversation???

  2. Thnx for the great comments posts, Regina. However, I believe the opposite of write would be wleft. Right? I mean, correct?